MEET THE PARENTS

Image courtesy of Karat World

“In 3 days, I would be going home with the person whom I’d be with for the rest of my life.

Tense? Yes? Butterflies in my stomach? Check.

It’s not so much as bringing someone home, for the first time. It’s the fact that I will bring someone of my past who has become my present and definitely, would be my future.

Our story isn’t unique but I know from the start that what we have isn’t ordinary either. I traveled to hell and back, literally.

What is he doing in my present if he belongs in my past? The past caught up with me, it’s that simple.

I cried bucketful of tears, my heart was shattered in countless ways. I felt I will never be whole again.

Looking back, I could say fate was a little cruel but then again, fate has its ways we could never explain. Yet, it has given me back the same person to pick up the pieces with me and made my heart stronger, wiser, bigger, tougher.

In 3 days, the man who tries to give me everything I want, not because I am spoiled rotten, but because I deserve it, would meet my parents.”

This was my blog entry on the 2nd of May. I never had a chance to post it because work has gotten crazy and even getting  crazier.

I have been engaged for 3 months. I still get enthralled by the little sparkling stone–not because I want to brag but rather, I still cannot believe I’d wear one on my finger. If you happen to read my previous posts, you’d understand.

Love is something we would never fully comprehend nor explain in fancy words. We all hear stories, witness love craze friends who have lost their own identities. Who are we to judge the madness, the love, the most beautiful feelings? We can’t & we shouldn’t.

After all, person who has not loved has not lived at all.

Sleep Fairy

I am a sleeper and I make it a point to have enough shuteye everyday. Even during weekends, sleep in is a must.

Why? Because I want to have all the power and energy I need while at work. This is my edge. I can proudly say that sleep fairy hardly visits me while at the office. Maybe she knows it’s inappropriate.

Today is Friday and it is expected that my energy reserves would  be spent so I would have to deposit more over the weekend.

But sleep fairy cheated! She called on me without notice and I did not like the feeling of something tugging in my head. My eyes wanted to close and I could not concentrate on my tasks.

It is so frustrating because I do not know how to entertain her. So I retaliated and made a strong brew of coffee  as my way of saying she is an unwelcome guest.

However, I think I am being unfair as I know it’s my fault. I have been turning in late, way too late–because I am catching up on my reading. I cannot abandon a good book, it just doesn’t feel right.

No matter, I shall finish the last  book tonight. Oh, yes, what book? The Hunger Games. I doubt you can say no to that.

Come next week, I’d be friends with sleep fairy again. I will make her promise not to drop by unannounced. Until I discover another reason to cheat, that is.

Vision and Inspiration

No matter how I looked at it, the fact was clearer than the noonday summer sun: my parents won’t be able to support my college education. I didn’t dwell on this and found a way to have a degree instead.  I literally maid it up.

Source: Google

The family I was working for allowed me to attend night school. It wasn’t easy because I’m already spent before class and had to brave the rush hour everyday. This went on for 5 long years. I got 1  day off which was Saturdays so I would be giddy on Fridays as it means sleep in the next day.

My grades weren’t bad. I was actually a Dean’s Lister. What’s sad about it was my time was limited and I was not able to join extra curricular activities. I didn’t worry about it much actually, as I had chores to do at my boss’ house anyway. I was just wondering if it would make a big impact on my life. You know, the “might have and could have beens”.

Even before I started school, I had a vision and I knew that my future would be bright. That I wasn’t going to be a maid forever, that I would go places. I was right, of course.

The company I am working for now is my third. I have been employed since 2003, a few days after I graduated. My boss hired me as an Assistant but the needs of my  family became priority so I had to look for a greener pasture.  

To this day, I still feel guilty for leaving them. I know my decision wasn’t wrong because I am now earning more than 4 times compared to what I used to. Had it been a wrong move, fate would have rebelled on me.

Although we do not have communication, I have never forgotten them and I never would, until I draw my last breath. I pray for them, hope for them, dream about them. The family, who was my benefactor, would forever be part of me.

Here’s the thing, I have nothing to prove to my parents nor my friends. I have proven myself when I graduated. However, I owe it to my bosses to do better, to strive, to succeed. My family was my inspiration when I was still studying. My bosses took over the throne when I started working. My job is no longer to clean their toilet bowl, it is to succeed, and more.

I have bigger visions. I plan to help someone finish school, to realize her dream, to make a difference.

When I think about it, now that I am on my way to success, I couldn’t think of a better payback. I am afraid to face the family I have served, I am afraid they’d judge me. But then again, they are good people and I know, they wouldn’t take it against me that I learned to see far, that I grew my wings and spread them. After all, it’s what they were helping me for, to be ready to face the world.

Here I am, bravely doing so. I know, they’d be proud of me.

My vision says, one day, soon, we shall meet again.

Day of Valour and…Laundry Day

Source: Wikipedia

Today, we celebrate Day of Valour, a national holiday in the Philippines which commemorates the heroism and gallantry of Filipino soldiers who fought alongside American forces to defend Bataan in World War II. (http://www.mb.com.ph)

Bataan is a province of the Philippines occupying the whole of the Bataan Peninsula on Luzon. The province is part of the Central Luzon region (Wikipedia).

If you are required to report to work, you’d probably get paid double. As for me, I wasn’t required but had to work to ensure there are no backlogs. Nope, I don’t get double pay. This is one fact I have long accepted.

Usually, I clock in about 10 hours a day but I guess today is an exemption. I logged out an hour before my  shift actually ended. Don’t worry, I won’t get dress down for this, it’s a holiday, for crying out loud.

Anyway, I was amazed when I got out of the office. The sun was still blazing and the world so bright I had to laugh out loud. I could get used to this.

I got home and prepared dinner.  Cooking helps me keep stress at bay so I make it a point to concoct something everyday, given enough time.

With a full belly, I realized that I wasn’t able to finish the laundry over the weekend. I am queer in a way that I feel satisfied and accomplished when the laundry bin is empty. So I have to attend to it.

Our clothes are dried  through natural means. We cannot afford a dryer anyway.

Seriously speaking, we prefer to dry it under the sun, smells better and lasts longer. It’s always the better option (unless there’s a downpour) because we live in a tropical country.

To sum it up, my holiday became laundry day and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Good on Good Friday

 I went to church today to thank and appreciate what God has done for us. I didn’t ask for anything, for the first time. I know I ask a for a lot of things but let me share a secret, most of them are not for me.

Anyway, I live in a predominantly Catholic  country so Good Friday is solemnly observed. I skipped breakfast and lunch, I drowned myself in water instead. It’s my little way of showing I can make a small sacrifice because I know, other people make bigger sacrifices everyday. I cannot even the odds but I can contribute a bit.

As expected, the streets were empty and most establishments closed. It was really quiet and the walkways almost deserted.

We saw a boy asking for alms. We gave him loose change and if you could see how happy he was, you’d be moved, too. In fact, he thanked us twice. I wish life is that simple, that we could appreciate the tiniest blessings regardless of its shape, size and form. Sad to say, it isn’t.

Sometimes, we get lost in the sea of ambitions and desires we forget who we are. Yes, it’s human nature, a sad yet accepted fact.

I am not being judgmental as I myself am guilty. I just hope like the others, I am strong enough to refuse temptations.

But wait, I have a valid excuse. I am human after all. I would just like to think that I had been good on Good Friday.

Imaginary Travels

I came from a not-so-small town but but it didn’t mean I could go wherever I want on a whim. My  family had to work extra hard to make ends meet and going somewhere else was at the bottom of the priority list–take note, priority, which means food comes first. No, I am not complaining, just reliving what was which paved the way to what is. 

Source: Google

Well, I still cannot go wherever I want in a whim, so to speak, but it’s more probable now, in my imagination at least.

There are lots of places I want to go to and had I been granted with a power to teleport, I would probably have circled the world a thousand times over. You can see why I wasn’t. But, oh, the possibilities.

Century old brick walls or older magnificent structures, inspiring  cultures, the rich history, libraries, museums, sunsets, nature. The limit of my imagination is beyond endless. I would definitely need more than one lifetime and another after that to explore them all. You bet I would.

The truth is, I have only been to a few places and I savor the memories these trips have given me. My rational is quite simple and I know, most of you, chance reader or not, would understand. I cannot afford them. So I plan and I save. One trip at a time.

I long to travel from one continent to the next and I wish to at least fulfill half of it in my time. I would not get another chance, otherwise.

I have friends, acquaintances and relatives in different parts of the world. They will travel and take photos for me. In my mind, I will be with them. I can hear the chorus of laughter, taste the exotic food, marvel at the picturesque view then wonder where we will go next.

I know it’s not the real thing and I may sound mental  but who can blame me. I make do with what I have and practical about it, too.

Soon, this will all be real, I promise.

I just have to continue to work harder and believe me, I shall.

PS. I envy the constant travelers not because they can afford it–only because they were there ahead of me. No matter. I will be there, too.

Graduation Fever

Excitement. Apprehension. Dreams. Relief.

Source: Google

Graduation–the time of the year when one ends a chapter of his life and begins another. Excitement fills the air because another milestone has been carved and a new journey is about to unfold.

Apprehension wraps the mind of those who are not yet ready to thread the unknown. Little did we know that in the unknown lies a series of mystery and discovery, something that gives color to life, no matter the hue.

The realization of one’s dreams and aspirations are within his grasp. Like a shining star ready to brighten a whole new world. One must remember, however, that not all stars are bright but it doesn’t necessary mean darkness, it just means we have to find the source of the light.

Relief. The most  common word used by many. Why? No more homework or mean teachers or bully classmates or meaner ex and extra mean frenemy. I know you get the gist.

I have a degree but has only experienced graduation twice. I was not a preschooler nor have I experienced kindergarten. I went straight to grade school then prep. I graduated after 6th grade and then when I finished 4th year in high school. That’s it.

Since I was a working student, I didn’t bother attending the ceremony in college. I was thinking then that it was just a waste of time and money. If I can turn back the time, I would still make the same decision.

I respect the graduation rites and all that comes with it. Maybe it just wasn’t my thing. Or maybe I was just too busy making ends meet. I do not know. I have no regrets but it makes me curious but for me, but that’s all there is to it.

Everyone I know have either attended the ceremony or has gone to a post graduation party. After all, it is the beginning of a thousand and one possibilities. The road seems endless. Then the real lesson starts when a graduate steps out in the world where no homework is given but everyone is expected to provide correct answers. Typically, like a different dimension.

My advise? Make mistakes once or twice or thrice or more…that’s the only way to make it right.

Graduates–I salute you.

Cheeseburger and Vague Memories

Today has been one of the most stressful day at work. No matter, resilient as I am, all I need is McDonald’s Double Cheeseburger.

While munching my stress reliever, my thoughts traveled back down memory lane. It could be because of the upcoming high school reunion.

I learned last week that one of my classmates has been confined in a mental institution. It is such a heartbreaking news. My  friend said she has given up on the challenges of life.

I remember her, sitting in front of me, dead focus on schoolwork. She had her own world and one of the few who never cheated during examinations. During Science experiments, she’d arrive at her own conclusions and record them on her manual.  Back then, she  was already a loner. She was never a snub and not too friendly either. For what it’s worth, I never saw her as someone who’d give up on anything.

Most days, she’d come in with her bushy hair flying everywhere but her uniform was always smooth and freshly ironed. Now that I think of it, I wish I could have talked to her then, heard her stories, shared a gossip or whatever. Anything but almost vague memories.

I couldn’t help but wonder if it’s too late now. Would she still recognize us? I hope she would and she could. It would be good to listen to the pitchy sound of her voice.

Classmate, wherever you are, I salute your courage. I know you didn’t give up without a fight. I wish we could catch up one day, like normal teens, giggling about our crushes and blushing like ripe tomatoes.

Someday. I hope.

For now, I will continue fighting and deal with life one small step at a time.

Courage isn’t just an innate trait. It is something we could lend and borrow. May we all generous with it. I wish I could have at least shared mine.

Rainy Summer

March marks the beginning of summer in the Philippines. It means HEAT to the brown-skinned race most foreigners adore and Filipinos hate. Don’t get me wrong, some do, anyway.

This year would be the busiest summer of my life. Imagine magical sunrise  & breathtaking sunset. Not to mention the sweetest air that could melt the worries away together with the bluest skies which transports you to eternal bliss.

Then there was the weather forecast. It’s going to be a Rainy Summer due to La Niña. According to Wikipedia, “La Niña is a coupled ocean-atmosphere phenomenon that is the counterpart of El Niño as part of the broader El Niño-Southern Oscillation climate pattern. I will not pretend to know the deeper explanation of this occurrence but I can confidently say it means MORE rain. So there goes my summer rendezvous with the white silky sands beaches.

Nevertheless, a downpour doesn’t end a season.  It makes it even more meaningful. Just like anything in life, a smooth sailing doesn’t define a person…a stormy ride does.

Happy Summer everyone! Don’t forget your rain coats!